Sfiligoj: To help increase the nation’s ability to supply food during the coronavirus pandemic, one major food producer, Soylent Corp., will introduce a new green wafer-sized product called Soylent Verde. “Packed with people power,” according to a company press release, “Soylent Verde will help feed the nation in these trying times.” When asked about Soylent Verde’s flavor, a company spokesperson said: “The taste varies, from person to person.”

Schrimpf: Eric never passes up the opportunity to bring up a dystopian 1970s movie. That said, we’ve learned too well how broken our highly efficient, just-in-time-oriented food system can get with this kind of disruption. Once we get past the worst of all this, we expect to see significant work on contingency planning for those who are soldiering through these difficult logistical times. And possibly more preparedness on the part of USDA to move fresh food out into the markets from growers vs. tragically plowing it into the soil.

Sfiligoj: Because of reduced overall sales stemming from the coronavirus pandemic, a mega merger involving eight equipment manufacturers will take place later in the year. The participants will include Hardi, AGCO, Hagie, Apache, GVM, Unverferth, Yale, and Simonsen (HAHAGUYS for short). HAHAGUYS’ first product will be called the Large Omnipresent Loader (LOL) and should be introduced in time for the holidays. For more information, visit HAHAGUYS.com/LOL.

Schrimpf: Wow, this is inspired, Eric. I almost want to just leave this one here. Actually, while we don’t see equipment consolidation on the immediate horizon, certainly more collaboration and collective effort around software and hardware that connect effectively – and proved their utility and value during this time of social distancing – will allow best in breed products to emerge and win as the dust clears on the pandemic. Could be some acquisitions in the offing as well.

Sfiligoj: Tired of social distancing during the coronavirus pandemic and finding HAZMAT suits too bulky, an entrepreneur will introduce a new product: The People Ball. “It’s a round, clear plastic ball that allows for interaction in person without the worry of spreading any germs or viruses,” said inventor Dr. Guinea Gerbil. “It’s like a hamster ball, only bigger.” Look for scouts to give this a spin immediately.

Schrimpf: Small matters of oxygen limitation, narrow crop rows, and the urge many pick-up drivers will have to ram a "People Ball" into the next county could hamper adoption. But again, digital tools, sensors, and the dreaded “Internet of Things” will prove valuable as a social distance approved tools for data collection, and delivery of said data to the farmer. Photo: Harborview Farms in Rock Hall, MD, via Microsoft News.

Sfiligoj: Because of social distancing guidelines and the possibility of coronavirus spreading to other species, certain states will require farmers to plant their corn and soybean plants at least six feet apart for the 2020 growing season. “It’s the only way to safeguard these plants and flatten the interspecies curve,” said one researcher.

Schrimpf: This is obviously an attempt to make the People Ball a viable technology … sorry my friend. But looking at planting, we see machine data gathering devices from the big equipment companies, as well as groups like Farmobile, Razor, and others, that wirelessly transmit planting information to automatically and seamlessly add that critical data layer getting more and more attention. Photo: AGCO High Speed White Planter.

Sfiligoj: A new World Health Organization (WHO) report will find that persistent ozone holes over the north and south poles are caused by glyphosate application. “Glyphosate is a probable cause of ozone loss,” said the report. “That, or it is caused by employees working third shift in a factory.” U.S. lawyers will hail the news. “WHO has once again proven beyond a reasonable doubt that glyphosate use threatens the entire planet and sufferers should be compensated by the courts,” said attorney Willy Suem. “WHO reports are always right about these kind of things. Except when it comes to coronavirus. Then, they are wrong.”

Schrimpf: My friend wildly exaggerates for effect, of course. But when we wake up from this coronavirus nightmare, the specter of battles over crop protection science will still be with us, and more than likely take us in unfortunate directions.